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Conflict at Work
We rely on and spend
more time with our colleagues than with most other people in our lives:
yet we frequently experience conflict at work. This is a problem that is
beginning to be recognised, but it is still not being dealt with either
effectively or sufficiently.
Conflict is such a
broad term for what can be experienced, ranging from office gossip to
outright being physically aggressive. In nearly every single office there
are always going to be personality clashes at some point, and most of the
time they will be fairly easily sorted out. However,
sometimes they aren't and there is often no other option than to resign.
The real problem
underlying this situation is that people really don't have the skills to
deal with these kinds of situations. They frequently accept the problem
when it is happening and then get really upset afterwards.
Friends - There Five
Strategies for Dealing with Conflict
1. Avoidance also can be know as Ignoring (I Lose / You Lose) This
is the most frequently used strategy along with accommodation. Here
conflict is avoided and when it does appear the person using this strategy
refuses to engage in the situation.
Example: Someone making
a sly comment and the person it was aimed at simply walking
away. While this obviously is not a good way of dealing with
conflict the majority of the time as it tends not to help, it is worth
being considered as a strategy for when the conflict is just not worth the
effort of being addressed.
2. Accommodation
also can be know as Looking Good (I Lose / You Win) Here you take the
conflict and submit. Example: Listening to unhelpful criticism and
believing it. Again, very frequently used especially where there is low
confidence and self-esteem. This is another not very successful method of
dealing with conflict, but it will do if you know that there is a solution
coming soon.
3. Compete (I Win /
You Lose)
This one means that you play the person at his or her own game and work
hard to get your own way in the conflict.Example: Someone starts spreading
rumours about you, so you do the same in return in an attempt to discredit
the power of the other person's word. This can be very useful when the
conflict is mild and you are passionate about your stance, but can lead to
a vicious circle as the conflict escalates. Be very sure you want to use
this strategy as lowering yourself
to someone else's level rarely shows you in the best light.
4. Compromise
(Illusion of I Win / You Win but not in real sense, its more of an
adjustment from both the sides....but the pinch is still there) A much
more useful tactic to use: here you don't give in to the conflict, but
work out a solution somewhere between the two sides.
Example: Someone
delegates a huge amount of work to your already over-filled plate,you
respond by taking on some of it, and then recommending that this person
parcel out the rest to other people.This is the strategy of choice for
most untrained managers as this is how we frequently deal with children in
real life - and so it is a behaviour we all know about. This can of course
lead to the obvious downfall of the actual solution leaving none of the
sides happy. This is best to use when the goal is to get past the issue
and move on - with the issue having relatively little significance.
5. Collaborate
(Actually I Win / You Win) ( You start working on
Alternative Options)The most useful tactic, particularly with extremes of
conflict such as
bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a
solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the
solution.
Example 1: You and
someone else are at completely opposed viewpoints over a project.
You sit down with them and work out why they believe in their point of
view,and explain your own. Clever and lateral thinking can provide a
solution,which answers both sides, but is not a compromise.
Example 2: Someone is
bullying you at work. You talk to this person and collaborate
on modifying their behaviour.
Use this strategy when
the goal is to meet as many of the current needs as is possible. The most
difficult strategy if confidence is low as it involves actually naming the
issue to the conflict-creator, which can cause huge anxiety and fear.
To collaborate successfully on an issue such as continuing conflict you
need to follow a few basic guidelines.You must recognise that part of the
problem is your own fault: you allowed it to happen and did not try to
address it to begin with. You can use this aloud and actively take part of
the responsibility, as this will put the onus onto the other person to
take the other part of the responsibility.Remember that we frequently
don't like in others what we don't want to see in ourselves, but find
occasionally anyway. Be very sure that you have not committed the same
conflict and that you do not in the future.
Manage yourself during
the resolution attempt - learn calming strategies if you are hot-tempered,
or confidence boosters if you are shy. Do not to be emotional, as emotion
will only make things escalate.
Maintain eye contact
and use your body language to convey your belief in what you are saying.
Don't fiddle with something nervously, don't cross your arms protectively,
and don't put yourself on a lower level than the other person (such as
sitting on a lower chair).
Don't believe that the
best defence is a good offence - that is part of the Competing strategy.
Work the issue, not the person: this means addressing the behaviour rather
than the entire existence of that person. There is a different level of
ownership for behaviours, and people will take less offence if you
criticise their behaviour than if you criticise them personally.
Never lay blame, as
this will only fan the fires. If you are not getting anywhere, ask for
further information from the other person about the reasons for their
behaviour, but don't ask the
questions with 'why' at the beginning - if you do this will actively put
the other person under the spotlight and they will get defensive.
Remember above all,
that people who enjoy creating conflict are ultimately power-seekers who
enjoy controlling others. Frequently this is because either they have
suffered in a similar way before or feel that they have very little
control over their own lives and does anything they can to feel in
control. A little compassion will take you a long way both in resolving
the situation and in putting it behind you when it is resolved. One of the
most important strategies for collaboration is to start "Listening First".
Please do share your
feedback of the same...May your day be filled with inspiration and
passion!
Shabbar Suterwala
Corporate Trainer & Psychological Counsellor |
Writer
Profile
shabbarsuterwala@hotmail.com
A Post-Graduate in
Psychological Counseling, a Computer Consultant by Profession, a Personal
Growth Trainer by Choice, Mr. Suterwala completed his graduation from the
University of Mumbai and then took up the field of Computer Training and
Software Development. Over a period of years, he changed his interest from
the field of Software Training to Soft-Skills Training and specialized in
the field of Self- Development Training and
Counselling. Today he has established himself as a Corporate Trainer and
is
into full-time Soft-Skills Training for various Corporate Organizations,
Colleges and Private Institutions.
His expertise are in the area of
Soft-Skills Training like PresentationSkills, Time Management, Team
Building, Communication Skills,Leadership and Personality Development,
Personal Effectiveness for Personal & Professional
Growth, Assertiveness Skills , Goal Setting, Stress Management.
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